Love, Bonding & Baby Blues

Feeling the Feelz

After childbirth you may experience the most intense emotions you have ever encountered.  They may include great swelling joy and happiness, feelings of contentment and fulfillment. However, you may also experience irritability, insomnia, weepiness, anxiety, and depression.  And, some women do not feel any intense emotions or connection with their baby until days or even weeks after the birth.  Any of that is normal. 

As long as you are having more good days than hard days . . . more high moments than low moments . . . and you feel safe and and know you can keep your baby safe, it’s normal. If you are not able to find joy, or if you have unsafe thoughts, please tell someone . . . tell your partner, call your midwife, or reach out to your therapist.

There are many reasons why women feel / don’t feel . . . bond / don’t bond. 

Bonding is easier if you feel safe.  Are your primary relationships healthy.  Is your partner someone you can be vulnerable with?  Are there people you can be emotionally “naked” with?  Do you have trusting relationships with people who will provide for your emotional and physical needs?  Having layers of trusting relationships will help you let down your guard and open your heart to the emotional mystery of motherhood.

Do you have a history of depression, anxiety, or mental health challenges?  This is a good time to put some plans in place to support your mental health. 

Sleep Deprivation and Mood Challenges

There are a lot of things that contribute to causing postpartum blues and postpartum depression. A big portion of it is normal shifts. Your hormones are sky high until your placenta releases. Then, your hormones drop off significantly. That huge swing of hormones can cause an equally huge swing of mood.

Add the accumulation of sleepless nights, fatigue, and emotional and physical stress, and soon you’ll have the perfect recipe for postpartum depression.

In the first days after the birth, you will be juggling both sleep deprivation and a swing of hormones as you try to feed your baby at least 10 times every 24-hours.

But here’s the beauty of breast-feeding.

Breastfeeding is Protective

Breastfeeding, and the hormones it creates, are protective against depression.  When you latch your baby, prolactin and oxytocin bathe your brain, making you sleepy, and giving you an emotional break. In an ideal world, you should doze off after every feeding. If possible, have someone on standby to take over caring for the baby so you can doze straight off to sleep.

Create a plan with your trusted support people that will allow you to breastfeed the baby then sleep for 2 hours between feedings.  Hopefully the baby will sleep those 2 hours as well.  But, if not, discuss who can provide practical care while you sleep.

Postpartum Pain and Postpartum Depression

Pain can also interfere with the early joy of motherhood.  If you have favorite pain relief strategies, give some thought to having those prepared.  You may have sore muscles, headaches, perineal pain, and nipple pain.  Refer back to the “things to buy” portion of our 34-week materials.  Consider having those ready “just in case”.